concerning love

Love makes the world go round. We all need and crave love, some way or another. It took me a while to learn this important factor concerning love, but the greatest love of all is the love you feel for yourself. Thank you, Whitney Houston. You know how amazing it feels to love yourself so much that you make healthier and smarter choices when it comes to your life? Take it from me, it’s the most amazing feeling EVER!

Relationships aren’t easy, but you need extra patience when you’re in a long distance one. I should know, I am in an LDR. We love each other, yes, but I have to be honest: I kind of like the time we spend apart. I know what this sounds like, but let me explain. Throughout my life, I’ve never really been single. There was always someone in my life. Many of my journals are dedicated to the many failed relationships and assholes from my past. I’d always put my life on hold for a man, built my entire life around him. When we broke up, I had to rebuild myself again, get to know myself again, start from scratch. Do you have any idea how exhausting that is?

I had this idea concerning love: my life should be and would be exactly like my parents’.

I always thought my father was THE PERFECT HUSBAND! Experience has thought me there is no such thing. Not that he isn’t the perfect husband or a good husband, but I’ve learned a lot from my mother. She’s taught me that the PERFECT FATHER doesn’t necessarily mean the perfect husband. These two things don’t go hand-in-hand. FYI, he is a good husband, otherwise, Mom wouldn’t have stayed with him for over forty years. He’s perfect for Mom in his way.

Anywho… there are many things I learned about love and commitment. Some were learned the hard way, but I’m still grateful for those experiences.

I really don’t know everything there is to know about this, but I do know what I want. That’s why I think it’s important to do some soul-searching, to get to know oneself. Here are some things I know I want or don’t want when it comes to love.

  1. TRUST. You might be saying DUH!, but keep on reading. I’ve been in relationships where my partners wanted to know every single thing about my past relationships. Things like, how many men have I slept with and who they were, have I ever cheated, why did I cheat. I told these things in confidence, thinking that if my partner understood my motivations for doing certain things even if they were wrong, they would understand me better. I was naive enough to think it would bring us closer. Sadly, they used all of these things against me in arguments and reasons they couldn’t trust me. Though I’d never ever given them a reason not to trust me, their behavior and their way of thinking about me judging me, just kind of made me keep things from them. It made me sneak around. Not that I was cheating, no. But there were certain things I did I wasn’t comfortable telling them for fear of being judged. This made me slowly start loving them less.

    Using your boyfriend/girlfriend’s past against them isn’t fair, especially if they’ve never given you a reason to doubt them. Work on your own insecurities first, then start a relationship.

    ORIGINALITY. By this, I mean that I need to be able to be myself. I’ve been in relationships where I couldn’t fully be myself because I got judged. It was exhausting to constantly hear that the music I listen to is crap, it has no positive message, that I should listen to reggae. I like to dance, so when I hear a nice tune, I might bob my head or move my feet a little. “Can’t you stand still?” was what I heard whenever I did that. First, they only did it in public, but later it was also done when we were at home together.

  2. CONFIDENCE. I need a confident man! Someone who is confident enough to know that I CHOOSE him. Of course, I have options, we all have options, but I choose to be with him. Getting into arguments when I don’t answer my phone fast enough or just getting angry when we don’t talk all the time… too exhausting.

    Insecurity is in the top three of relationship and libido killers.

  3. FREEDOM. I need FREEDOM! If I’m with someone all day the whole day, I feel like I’m suffocating. Even when I still lived back home I needed freedom. If I wanted to socialize with my parents, I would go into the family room. The moment I retreat back to my room, means I want to be alone. Sometimes my Mom would come into my room, we’d talk a bit. Not that I wanted to, that was my ALONE TIME. But I knew she really wanted to talk, so I obliged but I wasn’t happy about it. I need my partner to understand that I will need some time to myself every now and then. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him, not at all. But we’re not a two-headed monster. He should have his own friends and hobbies, and I will give him all the freedom he needs, as well. And I’m confident enough to know, that after he’s had his alone time to do whatever he does without me, he will come right back into my arms.

    Last, but not least… stay away from social media.

  4. NO SOCIAL MEDIA! Ten years ago when I was dating Beelzebub, I used to post pictures of us together from time to time. Little did I know, is that whenever you post a pic of you and your SO, some people out there start the “breakup countdown.”Ā I imagine some people saying something like this: “Guys, this moron just posted a pic of her and her man. Let’s see how long this lasts. Anyone taking or placing bets? Who has five months?” Furthermore, I don’t like people knowing who I’m dating. When the time is right and you are someone important to me, you will meet my boyfriend/husband. If not, you might know who I’m dating when you run into us somewhere.

    My boyfriend is the type that really thinks placing pics on social media is a sign of our commitment to one another.

    I disagree. It’s just asking for unwanted attention. We’ve had many stupid discussions about this. He thinks I don’t want to place pics of us on my social media because I don’t want people knowing I’m dating someone. And he’s right, I don’t, but not for the reasons he thinks. According to him, I have something to hide. I have nothing to hide, I just don’t want people all in my love life. I’m not an episode of “Days Of Our Lives.” To appease him, I uploaded two pics of us on my private Instagram. I’m just itching to take them down. The stupid things we do for love.

 

Concerning love… sigh… What can I say? šŸ˜€