thesis

Thesis writing, OMG! I have been under a lot of pressure to finish my thesis. Never in my entire life have I been so stressed out. I have been learning Chinese for three and a half years, so I can use this language to express myself very well… conversationally. Writing my thesis has brought me to a whole new realization: expressing myself in written Chinese still needs some work!

I have written and rewritten my thesis almost EIGHT times!

The first draft of my thesis was shit, I knew that the moment I finished it and pressed the “send” button. I hadn’t put my all into it because my mind was someplace else. My next step (where that is and WHAT that is) has taken up a lot of brain space. So… I wrote my first draft in less than eleven hours… the day of the deadline. Yeah, I knew that was a shit piece. I put more effort into the second draft, but it still wasn’t up to par. Then came the third and fourth draft. Had to scrap 70% of what I’d written, because I was being advised by two teachers. One told me A, the other told me B. When we had our meetings, I sat there quietly, taking notes, but what I really wanted to say was, “WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK! Y’all asshats are telling me two different things! Why don’t y’all take a breather, go play ‘hide-and-go-fuck-yourself’, then come back and tell me what the fuck y’all want!” Need I tell you I was full of rage?

Nam-hyo-ho-renge-kyo! I need to finish this, so stay calm!

It has been stressful, but I’m up for a challenge … any time. Though it has to be a challenge that inspires me and has some personal growth as a result, I’m not into childish shenanigans.

This has been THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE of my entire life. It has driven me crazy, there were times I wanted to scream, but then I remembered that I’m a strong woman. Things and people don’t defeat me. I know my worth, what I’m capable of and I didn’t come this far to fail now.

I am grateful for this.

I know it sounds crazy, considering my earlier rant (with all the fucks of the universe), but I really am grateful. This is something that I have wanted for a long time, and here I am! So thankful I was granted the opportunity to make one of my many dreams come true! Now… onto the next dream.