The Troubled Mind of An Author

The troubled mind of an author can confuse. I know, for I am an author. Wow! It took a very long time for me to refer to myself as an author. But that is what I am. All authors know that the writing process can be an adventure. One day you are super motivated to write, another day you write ten to fifteen pages… only to delete them because you hate them. Believe me, I have been through it. Actually, I am also going through it at the moment. I entered a writing competition, and it is fun rewriting one of my previous novels.

Would you like a look inside my mind? Even if you do not, I will write it down either way. 🙂

I would not say that I have a troubled mind, but I can compare it to a roller coaster ride.

Here are some of my thoughts during the writing process:

“I absolutely LOVE writing! Oh gosh, I sat down behind my desk and the words just came to me. The more I wrote, the more they just… flowed. This is outstanding!”

“Do I have to write again today? *Sigh of frustration.* I am feeling so blah! Nothing interesting comes to mind, just a load of crap.”

“Omigod! I wrote about ten thousand words today! And I like what I wrote! What a superb day!”

“This is some bullshit! I wrote five thousand words and they are crap!”

“If I have to do ONE MORE character sketch or pre-write exercise, I will fucking break something!”

It is all crap! Then I rip the pages out. – Image Source

A troubled mind is a restless mind. That is why I take breaks & refrain from writing for a day or two. Sometimes an entire week.

Other authors say that you should write daily, even if you do not want to. Well, I do not believe in making myself suffer: I do not do things I do not want to do. Some might say that I lack discipline. If you know you dislike something, that should be the first thing on your list. A hot monk, 释恒义 Shi Heng Yi, said that if we dislike doing something, we should do it. Confusing, right? Let me give you an example.

Master Heng Yi said that if we dislike getting up early, we should get up an hour earlier. Though I understand where he is coming from, I do not believe in making myself do things I dislike. Why would I make myself suffer? That is something I do not understand at the moment… maybe someday? I am optimistic I will understand him when it is time for me to reach that level of maturity.

Now, back to talking about the troubled mind of an author…

My troubled mind also whispers things in my ears concerning readers.

“You frequently write scathing reviews on Goodreads. Do not expect people to be nice to you.”

“I am confident I can write a book my target audience will love.”

“Oh my, I am so scared of people criticizing my work. I have worked so hard on it, and someone ripping it a new asshole like I frequently do with other authors’ books will enrage me.

Do you know what I dislike? There are people who tell me, “You know, most authors cannot quit their day job. Their books do not really make them any money, you know.”

Then I think to myself… “I do not subscribe to your limiting beliefs, for only outstanding things come to me. ANDDD… I did not fucking ask for your opinion. We are all unlimited in creating the life we want.” 🙂

What about when it comes to certain steamy things, like sex?

“Omigod, my father will read this. He will know I have sex!” Inner Me: DUH! He has known that for YEARS!!! Me: YUCCCKKKKK! I want to dig a hole and bury myself!

“Now, this is one steamy scene. I kind of like it a little too much.”

“Omigod, my father will read this!”

“I will not self-censor.”

A lot more thoughts go through my head, which I will spare you. It is a lovely experience, I would not change it for the world. I DO believe that I can make a reasonable living from my writing & that is what I am going for.

If you want to do something, just do it. Do not let others cloud your mind with doubt. Just do it.

xoxo

Tiara Ray

I am grateful & blessed to have the life I live. (Soon to be) Traditionally published & self-published author in her mid-thirties. I unsuccessfully tried changing this picture numerous times, so I just left it. I wish you lots of love & may you get what you need. <3

3 Comments

  1. I go through the same thing. I also had this problem with writing erotica or sex scenes because my parents would read it… but they know I have sex, since I have kids and all. Lol!

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