No More Drama: 4 Things I Left in 2019

No more drama starting January 1, 2020. This is something I promised myself when 2019 ended. 2017, 2018 & 2019 were challenging years for me, and I now know that I can handle anything life throws my way. I am built to break. No matter what it is, it also does not matter how long it takes… I will get through it. But those three years were so fucking draining, they took a toll on my physical health. In December 2019, I sat behind my desk, journal in front of me, pen in my right hand… and I asked myself, “Okay, Girl, you will be 30-fucking-five next year. What or who do you NOT want to have in your life anymore? Write about what you want.”

That is when I made some decisions & I will not compromise them for anyone. Some of them I already made the list every single year I am blessed with a new year of life. But my turning 35 just changed something in me.

No More Drama made the list again this year, and oh boy! Do I mean it.

Last year, when I got back from China, I spent some time with relatives. All families have their problems, that is a given. But I am tired of people bitching about the same thing over and over.

If people are not interested in solving their issues with one another, do not make it my problem. I am not interested. Tell it to your teddy bear of someone who has time to listen to you bitch. What do I think? You can fuck off out of my personal space.

Not in a mean way. Well, there is no delicate way to tell someone to fuck off, now is there? What I mean is this… “Go find a fucking hobby.” Or, in the words of Cardi B, “Go suck a dick or something.”

I am not interested in hearing about what you think about so-and-so, or how you are still pissed about what so-and-so did in 3000 BC. Jeez, my fucking ears and brain are already tired just thinking about it.

People like that need to find someone else who will listen to that shit. We can meet up and chat to talk about other happy stuff. If not, fine. I still love them, but I choose to stay drama-free.

Now, let’s get to it!

One, if you are into bitching and gossiping, we will not be hanging out. I will still love you, but I will love you from afar, like I said less than a minute ago. Finding the middle ground is key: I can exist with drama, I can also exist without drama. And I choose to exist without drama.

This is a rule I will not break for anyone, not even family. Not because we come from the same bloodline means we need to be joined at the hip, or that you may drain my energy of stuff that happened YEARS ago. Granted, it would be great if we all got along, but that is not that case.

Some people like to keep the peace, but I like to keep MY peace (of mind). And if someone threatens my peace, I will cut that person off so fast it will give them whiplash.

Two, I stay away from ‘fixer-uppers.’ That means I stay away from men with issues. See, I am not a complicated person and my mind cannot comprehend when and why people complicate things. Maybe they think it makes life more interesting. But if I want my life to be more interesting, I will go swimming with sharks or skydiving.

I am not a mechanic and did not major in ‘how-to-fix-men-who-do-not-know-they-have-issues-or-they-do-know-but-do-not-wish-to-fix-themselves-and-choose-to-stress-out-others.’

Misery fucking LOVES company. Did you not catch that memo? Oh, oh, or men comfortable in the victim role. “No one behaves like you!” Yes, Fuckwad… Someone Else always is the problem. *Roll my eyes.* RUN! Run & be glad you dodged a ‘man-with-issues’ bullet.

Another thing I have also learned about romance & dating is: DO NOT waste time trying to analyze a guy his behavior. What do I mean? If he is sending you mixed signals, it is because he is not that into you. No guy who really is into will risk losing you. I stopped doing this some time ago, and it is liberating.

Remember: A strong man can handle a strong woman, a weak man will say she has an attitude. You know dating a fucktard like that spells drama. And we are going for ‘no more drama starting in 2020.’

Me, I would rather be alone than with someone who unnecessarily confuses me & does not know how to appreciate me. Love should enhance your life, it should not be a desperate need or something to improve your life. My happiness does not depend on me having a boyfriend.

It is one reason I have dated no one since I broke up with my ex-fiance. Okay, I have gone on a few dates & have talked to a few people since then. Unfortunately, they had issues I did not want to deal with. That is what shrinks are for.

Already seeing a psychologist or talking to a non-head-doctor about your issues? I applaud and encourage this. But do not take your baggage into a relationship.

Because guess what? I will send your baggage to Baggage Claim, and I will cut you off from my life. We all have our shit to deal with, so do I, and I do not fucking need yours.

What some women do not realize is that it is not their job to fix their partner. Your partner is responsible for their own ‘wholeness.’ Just as only you are responsible for yours.

Do you really want the extra stress of making someone (who probably will not matter to you ten seconds later) their issues YOUR issues? If you want that, you will just be adding to your issues… That. Is. Too. Exhausting.

Three, there are certain things I do not give a fuck about. Like, seriously, I really do not give a fuck. And I do not give a fuck what the fuck you want to think about that. HAHAHAHA! Oh gosh, quite the potty mouth!

How do I choose what I give a fuck about? Really, no more drama.

Simple… I just ask myself… “Is this person/issue worth me getting upset over? Will it even matter when I am not upset anymore? Can or will it influence any part of my life? And if I look back on my life one year from now… will I still even care?”

Yours Truly really has successfully unsubscribed from other people their bullshit. This works for me & keeps me happy. I suggest you find what works for you and makes you happy.

Four, goes hand-in-hand with number three: I do not explain myself to people anymore. People who are not important to me can think whatever they want about me. It does not bother me in the least. No matter what you do, people will always have an opinion of you. I just do not care anymore.

Another reason is that no one knows what is better for me other than me. I listen to others, because I know I might learn something new. But for deciding things about my life, I only consult myself. No one is living my life, so no one can tell me what I should do. That is why I have also stopped giving advice to people.

I can help someone find out what works for them, but I do not insert my POV anymore.

Until 2019, I concerned myself with people their lives, especially people I care for. “You can do so much better, why do you settle for being mediocre?”

Now I realize that it absolutely is not my place to criticize anyone for their journey in this life. Who says that the way they are living their life is not the way it should be? Their journey is not my journey and vice versa.

I want to be accepted for who I am, so I should accept others for who they are. That is it. I free myself from judgment. If I do not understand something, I am probably not meant to understand it at this time.


Tiara Ray

I am grateful & blessed to have the life I live. (Soon to be) Traditionally published & self-published author in her mid-thirties. I unsuccessfully tried changing this picture numerous times, so I just left it. I wish you lots of love & may you get what you need. <3

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