hindsight

Hindsight really is 20/20. It’s been a habit of mine (for a couple of years now) to look at things objectively from time to time. I’m a sensitive person, so there are certain emotions I try to control as much as I can. One thing I’ve learned to control, is my anger. Okay, my journal will disagree with you (and one friend I really trust), but I’ve learned to not express it in public anymore or to direct it at the object of my rage at that moment. Now I’ve reached a point in my life where I can choose what I actually give a f*ck about. The moment I see that the direction a conversation is taking (or someone’s actions towards me), I just ask myself: “So, are we going to show our ass in public today?”

The answer to that question (now) always is “No, not worth it.” But then I will probably write a few pages in my journal about how I wanted to bite someone’s head off and why. But the moment I place the last full stop on the page, indicating that chapter is closed, so is my anger (usually). There are times when it’s not this easy. Then I just avoid the person, the world is big enough. I don’t believe that every issue should be addressed, because not every issue is important to my life. I bet six months from that time, that person will not be a part of my life anymore, so why bother? It will pass, and it does.

I’m now looking back on some things that have happened in 2018, and well… like I’ve said earlier: “hindsight really is 20/20.”

I admit there are some things I could have handled differently. There is one person I might need to have a talk with, sooner or later. Right now, I’m thinking later, LOL. But it will happen, eventually… If I still think it’s worth it.

hindsight
Hindsight is 20/20 – Finding balance between these two was a challenge…

The first half of 2018 was stressful! You have no idea! I was under tremendous pressure in all aspects of my life. Thank heavens I’m resilient, otherwise I might have jumped off a bridge, or something. I can take a lot and I deal with it in my own way, but what happens is I get so “cold” when it comes to certain things. This year I’m going to change that.

The second part of 2018 was full of surprises, both very good and so, so bad.

I met my Dinnetje, I love her SO MUCH! My health was in danger, but I’m fine now (for the most part), I met some new people, made some new interesting friendsips. Some of those friendships ended as abruptly as they started.

The old me probably would have asked the person questions: “But why this? Why that?” The new me? “Wow, that’s a shame. I value that person for choosing to spend a certain amount of their time on this earth with me. Had a great time. But life is short and I don’t have time to give a f*ck about this, because it won’t be of importance a month from now.”

The second part of 2018 also brought some tragedy to my family…

I always talk about “The Killer,” and one of my cousins was brutally murdered by her ex. Never thought that something would happen in my family that could be turned into an Investigation Discovery episode. Other family memebers their health is declining… which (sadly) is part of life.

2018 ended a little stressful (and confusing) and that feeling lingered on until the first two days of 2019. Then I thought, “You know what? I don’t have the time, don’t have the energy. Won’t be important a month from now. So… whatever.”

Hindsight IS 20/20… Sigh.

The older I get, the smaller my circle of friends, and that’s fine by me. Am I closing myself off from people, hiding from the world? No, I’m not (anymore). It’s just that not everyone should know and see the real me. There are sides to me that are reserved for certain people in my life, and that’s how it’s going to stay. The people who are important to me know who I am. If you know who I am, but you actually dont know me… then do the math on where you are on the pecking order.

Not everyone should be a part of our next chapter. I’m fine with that now.

This past week has taught me the importance of space. We might not understand everything, and that’s okay. Just enjoy the feeling, the moment and learn the lesson that person came into your life to teach you. On that note, happy 2019 and I wish you all the best. Hindsight is 20/20, I can’t stress that enough… so remember it. šŸ™‚

Oh, I don’t write on Saturdays, this is an exception. I just wanted to share something. šŸ˜‰