Dating Red Flag: Desperate For Love

What is a Dating Red Flag? Well, when you are considering dating someone (or are in the early stages) when you see something you dislike or something that could be dangerous… RUN! I have talked about this to exhaustion in so many blogs, but I will talk about it again today. Why? Because I just removed someone from my contact list because they come across as super-duper desperate for love.

So, now comes the question:

When does one know when someone is desperate for love?

Guess what? It is STORYTIME! I will tell you all a personal story!

Hey Teddy, let me read you the Dating Red Flag bedtime story! – Image Source

Once upon a time, there was a man interested in a woman. Even though the woman was aware of his interest, she also knew they would not end up in a relationship. He is nice, sure, but not her usual type. He left for another country to pursue his education and he eventually ended up living there.

Fast forward to 2019, the woman moved back to get her life in order. He is still overseas, and he has a suitable job, he enjoys it.

They had talked about getting to know one another in the past, but since she has been back home, things have changed. She is not interested in dating anyone. Her future and career are more important to her. This is something she explained to the man at various times. He said he understood and respected her decision.

But then comes the dating red flag, of course. Not that the two are dating, but it is a red flag for dating someone.

He likes to make comments about marrying her and wanting her all to himself. But the thing is… this is a serious dating red flag. How can you want to marry someone and want someone all to yourself when you do not even know them?

It is so funny when guys say that. Believe me, he is not the first one. I think men like him look at certain women they find attractive, obsess over them, and create some idea in their head of what that person is like. In my opinion, they like the idea of that person they created and not the real person. I learned my lesson and I stay away from guys like this.

Guys like him probably have a void they need to fill and they think marriage is the way to do that. Especially if they are close to forty or in their early forties. What… did you think only women go through this?

I would not be surprised if he is dating someone who is crazy about him, but he probably does not see a ‘happily ever after’ with her. So, he is just killing time until someone ‘better’ comes along.

Men like him also probably have a list of women they have as potential wife candidates. “If it does not work with A, there is still B, C, D, and E.” When men say stuff like that to me, I know he is just desperate and not really into me as a person. Of course, I could be mistaken. But this is what I have experienced in the past.

I had no intention of deleting him from my contacts, but I had had enough. How many more times and in which language would I have to tell him I was not interested?

Him: “How about we go away together after the whole coronavirus thing?”
Me: “That makes little sense to me. We never spent a lot of time with one another in the past and we were not that close. It would be weird and it might give the wrong idea.”
Him: “We could set clear boundaries, of course.”
Me: “No, I think not.”

This message irritated me, but I did not let him know that. But he was getting on my nerves. I thought my reaction would be enough for him to catch on that romance and dating is THE LAST THING I want to talk about now.

Him: “How about we date one another?”
Me: “I have already said that I do not want to date anyone.”
Him: “Well, then how about I wait until you are ready to date, but then you have to promise to date me.”
Me: “I will not commit to something I know that I do not want. And when I am ready to date again, there is no guarantee that I will want to date you. That will be the same as stringing you along, and I will not do that. Just live your life

It was getting annoying real fast. I am not in a place where I even want to entertain the conversation of a potential future relationship… with ANYONE! The past three years have been difficult for me, and I want time for myself.

I am not a bitter woman. No, I do not hate men. Yes, I do want a relationship, marriage, and what-have-you. But I will not force anything.

STOP IT! – Image Source

And right now, I am mentally and emotionally not in the space where I can (or want to) devote time and energy to a romantic relationship. I have dreams and goals that I want to realize and they are my priority.

If you want to talk business, a potential friendship, sure, why not? But do not overstep my boundaries! When I take the time to explain it as politely as I can, I think some men hear this:

“I am only saying all of this so you will believe me that I do not want a relationship, but I secretly do. So, keep pursuing me and I will eventually give in because I do want a man… and he could be you if you are up for the challenge.”

FYI… Yours Truly is not playing hard to get, I AM hard to get. Know the difference. But this here, the phase I am at now, is not me playing hard to get.

What made me delete him (have I mentioned that I like the DELETE and BLOCK button), is the last message he sent me.

A few days ago he sent a message that he would have to move here if he wanted to marry me. This was in response to me saying that I want to and I will live in Suriname, I will not relocate. We were not even talking about marriage. Then he wrote the following:

Him: “So, if I want to marry you I will have to move to Suriname.”
Me: “That will never happen.”

It will never happen because you are PUSHY and do not know when to take a hint. Know when to quit! When I am ready to date, he will not be up for consideration. He does not respect boundaries, and that is important to me. No, no, NOOOOO!!!

Okay… now for THE message that made me delete him…

Him: “But I will marry you if you move here.”

Sigh of frustration. Here we fucking go again. I have had enough of this and it stops now.

Me: “Could we just please stop talking about this? I have no interest in them and it is getting annoying.”

And THAT made me delete his number. I am tired of desperate men, I have dated them before.

One guy inserted himself in my life, contacted me, and said how he liked me so many years ago, but he never had the courage to tell me. Now he is more confident, so he is telling me now. He said how he sees qualities in me that will make an excellent wife… I thought… “How would you know that? We have never spoken.” He told me he was miserable and he was looking to leave Suriname.

But I entertained it for a while and I was serious about getting to know him, because I was interested in him, but it was a waste of time. He had a Tinder profile AND he lied about being in a relationship. That is another miserable and desperate guy who is looking for something better. I feel sad for the woman he is with… for he is MISERABLE… and I assume he also means miserable with her.

I do not date out of desperation, neither do I not date desperate people.

This man could be a great man, I am sure he has amazing qualities. But after all of this, I am not interested in discovering them. If he cannot respect one single boundary of not talking about dating and romance, then that spells trouble in the future. I am not interested in drama.


Tiara Ray

I am grateful & blessed to have the life I live. (Soon to be) Traditionally published & self-published author in her mid-thirties. I unsuccessfully tried changing this picture numerous times, so I just left it. I wish you lots of love & may you get what you need. <3

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