Catfish: 5 Reasons I HATE Online Dating

Catfish is one of my favorite shows on TV. If you have been living under a rock, you might not know what this is. Allow me to enlighten you: Catfish can be both a noun and a verb.

To Catfish (verb)

(INFORMAL) to lure someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.

Source – Urban Dictionary Online

Before I dive into why I dislike online dating, I have to admit that I am not a dating expert. So do not ask me for dating advice. What I DO know is what I want and do not want in my dating life. Okay, now to be honest about online dating: I tried it once. A little over six years ago, a friend of mine & I were talking, and she mentioned she is in love. I was super happy for her because her divorce was horrible! It was more out of curiosity because I wanted to know what kind of people created online dating profiles. I researched it and Google told me that the number one online dating website is Plenty of Fish. So guess what I did? I signed up!

I watch Catfish religiously, so sure, I knew I would run into a few of them. No idea why, but they LOOOOOVE to use POF. But… I also was super excited!

We live in a modern-day and age, that is for sure! But I still do not understand the appeal of online dating. I know many people who have met the love of their life online. They are happily married with kids (or maybe on the way). But it is not for me. Maybe because I am old-fashioned with dating… And because I believe in The Killer. But that did not stop me from following a complete stranger into an underground parking lot in Guangzhou two years ago. Good old times, LOL! Just watch Investigation Discovery episodes of Web of Lies.

Are you wondering why I am writing this post? Last week a cousin of mine & I were chatting on WhatsApp. She asked me if I was still single and said she has this nice guy for me. They met on a Christian Dating App.

Cousin: “I think you might like each other, he is a great guy.”
Me: “One, I am not looking. Two… do you know the MTV show called Catfish?”

But like I have said before, ladies & gents, online dating is not for me. Would you like to know why? (Aside from the fact the person you are talking to is a catfish?) 🙂

1. The catfishing is REAL.
2. Most people are looking for one-night stands.
3. I want men to approach me & make conversation.
4. I do not believe in long-distance relationships.
5. I will not stress over a potential catfish.

Now for number one: The catfishing is real! Believe me when I say this. I have seen episodes of Catfish where previous catfishes reappear. They just never stop. If I dabble in online dating again, the person better be willing to video chat or facetime after a week of messaging. I will not invest in a flaky person.

On to number two: Most people are looking for one-night stands. This is so true! I know, because I created a Tinder profile when I was in Amsterdam in 2018. One of my cousins (who is not so subtle) said: “Girl, you are single, you need some vitamin dick!” Yup, I kid you not. But here is a little something personal about me: I am not at all driven by my libido. Yes, I get horny & I enjoy sex. For me, it just has to be with someone I love and who loves me. If not, I am not interested. So, if you are searching for a one-night stand and have me in mind, do not even try it, just swing your schlong in the direction of the first desperate woman you find. Or the first woman who is also into what you are into. Because she is not me. *wink*

And besides, with all the freaking swiping you have to do, you are most likely to develop carpal tunnel syndrome. Plus, the person you are talking to is most likely a catfish.

On to number three: I want men to approach me & make conversation. Now thissss is difficult for most men. I know that I come across as intimidating. Yes, I am self-aware, and I do not plan to change that. So if you want to talk to me, I suggest you grow a pair. It is not intentional; it is how I am. And if a man is hesitant to come up to me, I am sure he does not have the balls to date me & be in a relationship with me. This is a great way to weed out the weak. Dating a man with no cojones will bore me to death.

Plus, I am not intimidating. I am very caring & loving; it is just that not everyone is privileged enough to experience that. When dating or getting to know someone, I believe in giving chances. There are two reasons: One, I am giving you the opportunity to show me who you really are (more for my benefit). When someone shows me who they are, I believe them. Actions speak louder than words. Two, I believe in giving chances because I am giving you more rope to hang yourself with. So when I am tired of all your fuckups, I will not regret cutting the chord & blocking you.

Block-a-doodle-dooooo, fuckass! Have I told you that that is my favorite button?

Number four: I do not believe in long-distance relationships. I was in a long-distance relationship for half of my time in China & it was difficult. If one person is insecure, that person will drive their partner crazy. I have done this once, I will not do it again. End of story.

Plus, I do not believe in moving to another country just for love.

If ever I am dating someone who lives in another country (but we see each other at least five times a year for long periods of time), I would need a good reason to move there. Being in love with someone is not a good enough one. I love the life that I lead at the moment & my future partner should add value to that.

What does he bring to the table that enriches my life even more? If I have to change my life to move to another country, I have to know three things: If he were not living there, would I want to live there? Will I be able to find a job/career that I like? And last (but not least): Can I find things I like to do there?

Unlike Meatloaf, I will not do anything for love. LOL!

The possibility of continuing the life that I love is important to me. I am not one of those Bison Kit girlfriends. If you want me to build my life around you & entertain you all day, we will not stay together. Hell, we will not even start dating. Plus, I also do not need you to keep me entertained. Not that we cannot do things as a couple, I LOVE that! But I have a lot of hobbies I enjoy doing by myself… I am never bored with my company.

Last but not least… here is reason number five: I will not stress over a potential catfish. Online dating is just like ‘normal’ dating: You can get it or get rejected. But with online dating, I think it is much crueler. You swipe right on a profile/person you like, that person does not do the same. Or you message someone, you realize you like them, so you look forward to the chats. They become the highlight of your day. And then the person suddenly stops replying.

Even though it is someone you have never met, you obsess over why (s)he is not replying. If you are talking with them on other social media platforms, you might start stalking their profiles to see when they were last online or when their last interactions were. Sigh. TOO. FUCKING. EXHAUSTING. I do not have the time to stress over some catfish. Neither should you.

WOW! This was a long blog! And you know I hate long blogs. And please, if you are dating someone online, make sure you ‘see’ each other.

xoxo!

Tiara Ray

I am grateful & blessed to have the life I live. (Soon to be) Traditionally published & self-published author in her mid-thirties. I unsuccessfully tried changing this picture numerous times, so I just left it. I wish you lots of love & may you get what you need. <3

4 Comments

  1. Online dating is tricky. Nowadays it really is THE new way to meet people. Most people are too busy working multiple jobs trying to survive. Going out to a public place to meet someone isn’t so easy. That’s why there are so many online dating apps and sites. But more often than not, you swipe right, they don’t. Or you start messaging and then all of a sudden they go unanswered. It’s exhausting.

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