Welcome to the second part of my book review of Bratva Addiction by Coco Miller. I am not sure if Coco Miller is her real name, it sounds more like a stripper name than a pen name. If it is her real name, I dig it. Her parents are awesome. So, let me get into the second part of the Bratva Addiction book review. I wrote the first part last night while I was in the middle of the book. No idea why, but I just had to share some of the hilarious things I read. The book is so awful that it is good. Some people know how to perfect that and I love shitty books like this one.
So… I left off where I said that Kazimir had been watching Alegra for one year and how creepy it is. It just gives me creepy-kidnapper-hold-you-captive-in-a-hole-in-the-ground vibes. Nowhere does that scream ROMANCE to me. He is a fucking psycho stalker! Bratva Douche a.k.a. Kazimir is a fuckwad.
I am kind of torn: I do not know if I should refer to him as Bratva Douche or Lord Fuckwad from here on out. I just love writing this book review, LOL!
Since I already referred to Massimo from 365 Days as Lord Fuckwad, I think I will call Kazimir Bratva Douche.
To summarize: Bratva Douche and his father run the Russian mafia, Alegra her father borrowed money from them and he cannot pay them back. Normally they would have killed him, but Bratva Douche fell for Alegra, so he took her as payment. She now belongs to him, he kidnapped her, locked her in a room, and told her that he is in love with her. So… he took advantage of the situation to make her his, because she would not have gone out with her had he asked her out.
*Breathing out, that was long-winded*
I do not understand how she went from hating the man who kidnapped her to kissing him less than 24 hours after the fact. Sure, I can understand the allure of a dangerous man, I dig it. Hell, I love Tommy from Power, and I love the oh-so sexy Tom Hardy. Now, Tom Hardy is a man’s man!
See, throughout the shitty book, I could not tell what Bratva Douche looked like. To me, it sounded unrealistic to be attracted to your kidnapper. Okay, I do not like these Stockholm-syndrome-promoting-toxic-relationships books, but if Bratva Douche looked like these two Toms here, I would think, ‘Sick… but I can understand she is attracted to him.’
Bratva Douche is unlikable, because he is a fuckass, just like most heroes in this genre. He is controlling just for being controlling, because THAT Is most women their definition of alpha male nowadays. That is so fucking sad.
Any woman who has been around these dangerous men these female authors fail so miserably to write realistically, you know certain things are just a no-go.
Most women in these books ‘defy’ these alpha douches
strong men by not listening to them when they tell them to cover up when wearing a skimpy bikini, or telling them off for being an asshole. Because, OF COURSE, no one has told them off before.
That is just childish behavior, and men like that are anything BUT childish. But I understand that they are catering to an audience who eats this shit up like I would devour a red velvet cake a week before my period.*Roll my eyes*
It is as if these authors all go to the same class: Mafia boss romance cliches 101. The only mafia boss who comes close to being a realistic version of such a man is Michael Moretti from Sidney Sheldon’s Rage of Angels.
Oh, I also need to add Gino Santangelo from the Santangelo novels by Jackie Collins to this list. One more needs to be added to the list: Tony Soprano. He was a fat fuck (I love how they call each other that), but he was an alpha male fat fuck.
There are just soooo many things wrong with this book, but I just could not put it down.
Now, I am going to end this book review, it has been long enough. Let me summarize a few more things that made LOL!
Vlad talking to her like she is a baby – When they kidnapped her, Vlad talked to her like she was super fragile. I guess the author wanted to convey that Vlad, the giant, was just such a big softie, but also be a killing machine when necessary. I fucking disliked Vlad the Russian Care Bare Mobster.
Bratva Douche his dad tells Vlad Alegra is his half-sister – Now, I have no idea why two Russians would speak to one another in English, but yeah… that is exactly what happened in the book. Alegra overheard Vlad and Bratva Douche Senior talking about how Vlad his mother was a drug addcit and Bratva whore… and also happens to be Alegra her mother. That is why Bratva Douche Junior sometimes says she reminds him of someone. Way to foreshadow. But seriously, WHY would two Russians speak to one another in English? Riddle me this!
There are more things that bother me about this book, but I will end this book review here. It has been long enough.
What is my rating? It is the same as before: One star for finishing the book, another star for writing cringetertainment, and the third star for just … well… the effort.
Who would I recommend this book to? I would recommend this book to anyone who likes to read, it does not matter what it is. Especially if you do not mind that there is absolutely no logic in the book. Then yeah, GO FOR IT!