The Dating Game: Exhausting To The Core

I had a conversation with two female friends a while ago. They were talking about dating and how they are tired of the dating game. Sigh… Here we go again. I have a different opinion about dating. It has been this way for quite some time now. I am not in the mood for the whole Dating Game games people have to play to keep someone interested. If me being myself is not enough to keep you interested, then it is better to know this in the beginning. The earlier you know these things, the better.

My two friends were analyzing some man one was intereseted in his behavior. I was just there listening, really… trying to be supportive, you know, like a good friend should.

“I hate that I can’t be myself & have to pretend I’m not interested when I really am.”
“Exactly! If he texts back, you text back four hours later, because all the dating gurus out there say not to be too eager, because then he will know he has you and doesn’t have to chase you. Men like to chase and work for things they get in life. We shouldn’t make it easy.”
“I mean, he says he will call, he doesn’t. Then he’s all nice, and romantic again, then he disappears again, texts me every three days, or sometimes, I have to be the one to initiate the conversation. I don’t know what to do.”
“Now, we can’t go out, because of that virus, but you should upload photos to your IG and look gorgeous. He follows you, right?”

I did not offer my opinion, because I have a different idea about dating and the whole dating game. The only games I play are Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Killer Instinct, Tekken is okay, and… THE SIMS 4!

The Sims 4 – Image Source

I have been playing The Sims (on and off) for twenty years now! I did not really play The Sims 3, I did not like it as much as the others. But The Sims 4 is great! Okay, I have to admit that I am getting bored that we have to buy all of these stuff packs and game packs, they should just be free. And… the things we can do are so limited, that is why I now use mods to play. Game play has never been so titillating, LOL!

Come to think of it, I will definitely blog about my Sims because my Sims and their storylines are awesome! Now they are also a little x-rated with the help of this awesome Wicked Whims mod. Woohoo-ing is boring now, LOOOL! If you don’t play The Sims 4, that is fine, but you won’t understand my ‘joke.’

Now, back to the dating game

My friends asked me what I thought of the whole situation. In the past, I too spent a lot of time trying to figure out what a man was thinking, analyzing every word he said, everything he did, then finding excuses for his behavior.

Now? Not at all.

I do not try to think for someone, nor do I make excuses for someone. There are people who can only focus on one thing at a time, which I understand. I am the same, to a certain degree. But the important thing is to communicate that. The person on the receiving end of the hot and cold treatment can end up feeling like shit.

For me, if I have something else going on that I want to give my undivided attention to, I will just let the person know.

“Hey, I have some things I need to deal with now, I cannot concentrate on two things at once. I need some time to sort that out. When I am done, I will hit you up to check your pulse if you are still hot for me. If not, then I wish you the best.”

I am not going to lie: I, too, have strung people along and kept them ‘warm,’ you know, like an option. But not as a priority.

I liked them, sure, but there was someone else who was a priority whom I actually wanted. The thing is, I did not want those options to leave. So I said the right things, did the right things, just enough to keep them interested and to assure they were not going anywhere fast. But not that I really wanted them or that I was prepared and willing to give them the love they deserve and need. They were just there so stroke my fucking (broken) ego.

I did not want them, not really. No… because they were not my first choice.

Yes, I too was fucking douchebag. A mega douche. So I can smell fucking douchebaggery from outer space. You cannot fucking bullshit an ex-bullshitter. I am a fast-talker (I can think on my feet, I love that), a smooth-talker, and I WAS a bullshitter.

Close to two years ago, a guy approached me, and I liked him back in the day. So I was kind of excited about the possibility of getting to know him better and maybe dating him. But… something in me kind of knew something was off because I remember telling him, “Alright, we’ll see how full of shit you are (or was it “Time will tell how full of shit you are.”)

I don’t remember what I said verbatim, but I do know that it was something to that effect. Are you wondering if he was full of shit? His actions screamed that he was… so he probably was. *shrug* If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it probably IS a fucking duck. I don’t care to find out what it was or what it wasn’t. Now it just is what the fuck it is.

Why was I a douchebag bullshitter? I will give you the CliffsNotes version: I was insecure and needed a lot of male attention and options to make me feel good. If a lot of people want you, there must be something special about you, right? The End.

Fifteen years ago, I realized the dating game, playing with people’s feelings in any way whatsoever, is not the person I want to be. I realized that at the age of 20.

I tried to approach dating that way as much as I could. Okay, I did not always succeed, but I stuck to that rule 90% of the time. And now I stick to it 100% of the time.

So… my friends were waiting for me to answer…

“I have no idea what to think, I do not know him… I do not know.”

Both of them were surprised because in the past I would have had A LOT to say. Now… I just do not care. It is exhausting to the core. The dating game is completely different than what it was even five years ago. Online dating seems to be THE new way to meet people. I don’t subscribe to online dating, because 99.99% are catfishes. Not my cup of tea.

“YOOOUUUUU have NOTHING to say? No “men are shit,” or nothing like that?”
“No, not at all.”
“Look outside if pigs are flying. Hell also must have frozen over.”
“Well, true, true, it IS weird that I have nothing to say, LOL. But I don’t. I mean, I don’t know him from Eve, he might have some shit going on that makes him kind of forget to message… and to call. Just know that there is a message in a way a person treats you. What is his message saying to you? You know the answer, just be honest with yourself.”
“I think he just wants to create this mystery so I will chase after him.”
“Could be… but… how about, instead of TRYING to fill in the blanks, just ask him what is going on and what he’s thinking. Problem solved.”

They looked at me as if I were crazy.

I continued, “You stated the facts of how he treats you and how it’s different from when you first started messing around. He might have a good reason or he might just be a fuckwad. Instead of assuming, just ask him. If he answers, great, if he dances around the subject, that’s also an answer. Then you have to decide what you think is best for you and how you want to continue. And that is all I have to say about this.”

Like I said, I do not give advice anymore. Your life is your life. You need to decide what is best for you because you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions. I will not be held accountable for that.

I will make exceptions when I see someone is in a physically abusive relationship or when someone their partner YELLS at or degrades them in front of me. Then I will make it my business and tell that person (depending on how much I care about them) to rethink how they want to be treated. Because if that happens in public, what the hell happens behind closed doors?

So, yeah, I had absolutely nothing to say.

What would I do in her situation? I would raise the subject once or twive. If I saw no change and I did not want to deal with it anymore, I would tell that person and then cut them off. The End.

The moment I have to GUESS what is going on, I will ask once or twice… but if it continues… SIGH… It will be too exhausting for me. No guessing, no texting back after three hours to make it seem like I have a life, no nothing of those fucking games dating experts tell us to play. I will let them know how I feel and then block them.

I would be so fucking turned off by that person and the way they chose to treat me, I probably would not give them any more chances to change my mind. If a person is wishy-washy in the beginning stages of a relationship, it won’t get better down the line. That’s what I think and that’s what I’ve experienced.

I so will not waste time with a fuckwad who is into games and wants to waste my time. But that’s just me.

xoxo

Tiara Ray

I am grateful & blessed to have the life I live. (Soon to be) Traditionally published & self-published author in her mid-thirties. I unsuccessfully tried changing this picture numerous times, so I just left it. I wish you lots of love & may you get what you need. <3

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