2020 Review: Great Lessons Learned

2020 review of the first half of the year, my people! I always assess my life, I mean… why would I not? Learning from my mistakes is an outstanding thing. This year started horribly for many: Kobe Bryant and his daughter died in a tragic helicopter crash in the last week of January. When I received the news, I was listening to one of my favorite Brazilian Funk songs. Oh, just so you know: If you want to lose weight, just do the choreography in the Brazilian Funk videos. I LOVE THEM! They are fun, energetic, you feel sexy, and you lose weight. Now, whenever I hear the song, I think of Kobe and that crash that claimed nine other lives. It has taken the fun out of it for me.

This also happened when an uncle of mine died in 2005: I was listening to Mary J. Blige her Be Without You when my sister called to tell me an uncle had passed away. Though I still love this song, it just makes me sad whenever I hear it. The entire day and the emotions just replay in my head. SIGH.

I do not understand and have never had an interest in any sport involving a ball, but I knew who Kobe was. Then… the coronavirus started its reign of terror.

This 2020 review surely has its ups and downs.

The ups consist of many things, for example: finishing the first draft of my memoir in Chinese in the first few weeks of this year, working on many projects, spending the night in a hotel in the interior with ginormous cockroaches, entering a writing competition, learning to make bags & face masks, and many more personal gains. I will talk about the downs in a different blog.

A friend of mine told me that a friend of hers saw a sign in December 2019. It was supposed to be HAPPY NEW YEAR, but the lights of the N had burnt out. So it said, HAPPY EW YEAR. 2020 really has been an EW year, so far.

There are so many valuable lessons in my 2020 review. I make it a priority to evaluate my life and my growth several times a year.

Let us take a look at the things I figured out concerning my life.

Romantic relationships & Love I split these two up because experience has taught me you can be in a romantic relationship with someone you do not love… AT ALL! Throughout my dating life, I experienced so much of what I do not want, that it is now easier for me to know what I do want. There is certain fuckery that I do not tolerate.

What is the most important thing I learned? Well, that is that self-love is important. This is something I have known for years, but now it is practically in my DNA. If you love yourself and know that you have family and friends who love you, know that it will be OK. Never place your own happiness in the hands of someone else.

No one should have such power and control over your life. I am learning to control this with each passing day. (SOME) People do not control my emotions anymore. It is my priority and divine right to live my life the way that makes me happiest. One cannot be happy all the time, but at least I am in control of that (now). Yeaaaarrrsss in the making!

Expecting someone or something to make you happy is fated to fail. It is a burden and unfair to expect so much of someone else. That person is undoubtedly also struggling to figure out what will fill their own cup of happiness. Now they have to fill theirs AND yours. Find out what you want, set boundaries, and do not compromise them for it is not worth the headache.

I am my own individual with my personal journey here on this planet. No, I have not found out what it is yet, but I am getting there (Thank the stars!). Helping someone along the way to figure out their path is fine, but I cannot figure ALL OF IT out for you. We have our own individual journeys, but we can journey them together.

… Which brings me to my next point.

Giving Advice In the past, I went around giving out unsolicited advice. Whether or not you wanted to hear it, I would let you hear it. But when people did the same, I fucking hated it. Another reason, and THE fundamental reason I stopped giving advice, is that your life is YOUR life, and I cannot tell you how to live it.

You are living it, experiencing things, and feeling the emotions that come with those experiences. We know how we feel, but the hardest thing is putting our feelings into words. When we try, we often feel misunderstood, because not everyone has the capacity (and willingness) to place themselves in our shoes (or to even make an effort to TRY to understand). In no way does that mean those people are bad or that we are bad; it is just how things are. Learn to accept what you cannot change.

Your life is in your hands; listen to your intuition, for it will never steer you wrong. Listen to your gut, and make decisions that are good for you.

This is something I will TRY (emphasis on TRY! I am not a parent yet, so I do not know how it will be when I finally am) to do with my future children: I can guide them as much as I can, but I cannot decide for them what to do and how to live. That is their journey.

People (some of my exes) think I am selfish and that I do not love others, but when it comes to choosing between my mental health and happiness over yours, I will ALWAYS choose mine.

This brings me to my third lesson…

I have unsubscribed from people and their drama Look… this is the case for both romantic relationships and friendships. There were some guys I was interested in dating, but they just had too much fucking drama. My life is drama free and I will not allow anyone to disrupt it. Now I cut ties with anything and anyone that stresses me out. Okay, with some I do not COMPLETELY cut ties with, but I do distance myself.

For example, one guy I really liked had issues with his batshit crazy baby mama. When dating someone I want them to know that I care and he can unload some problems from time to time. But he gave me a preview of a life I did not want. The child is barely three and he has to deal with the mother for another fifteen years. It just screams, ‘Baby Mama will make our life miserable when we get together.’ Even if he tries to keep the drama separate, it WILL affect the relationship you could have together.

Let us not forget men with unresolved childhood and other personal issues, who bring that drama into a new relationship & treat you like an emotional punching bag. And, let us not forget the guys who like to play games… Just… NO!!! I do not have the energy for that kind of negativity, so… NO!!!

NOOOWWWW… the last thing that I learned during the first half of this year…

Quitting social media – It was not really QUITTING, more deactivation of my Instagram account. Facebook… that one I use maybe once a month to see if I have any messages from friends I met in China. Twitter… I have not used that IN YEARS! My Twitter page does notify the few followers I have when I upload a new post here.

In case you are wondering if I am tired of social media, the answer is YES! This is my blog and I share what I want here.

I do not think I will reactivate or re-use my social media accounts for now. No idea about the future, but it is a NO for now.

xoxo

Tiara Ray

I am grateful & blessed to have the life I live. (Soon to be) Traditionally published & self-published author in her mid-thirties. I unsuccessfully tried changing this picture numerous times, so I just left it. I wish you lots of love & may you get what you need. <3

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