ONLINE DATING

Online dating seems to be THE new way to meet a psycho stalker/serial killer your next hookup or significant other. Since most people are too busy chasing paper (to lead a life that is sold to them in every single reality show and commercial), they have less and less time for dating. What’s the next best thing? Online dating.

Since I am a fan of Investigation Discovery’s “Web Of Lies,” online dating is a NO for me!

More than three years ago, someone I know went through a nasty divorce & even nastier custody battle. When she told me she’d found someone that makes her feel great, loved, all roses, rainbows & cute puppies, I was HAPPY! She really deserved it. Imagine my surprise when she told me they met on Facebook. Had no idea Mark Zuckerberg also was a matchmaker. Since she was so convinced he was her Mr. Right, I decided to check out the online dating scene.

I asked Google which were the best online dating sites, and the first one I saw was Plenty Of Fish.

online dating
Do all people with a profile on one of the many dating sites, look like Steve Urkel? Otherwise, why start one? – Image Source

While making that account, I wondered what type of guys I would see on that website. Would I see Steve Urkel’s or also see some Boris Kodjoes? I always thought ugly people people with low self-esteem created these profiles. What do you dislike about yourself so much, that you have to look for love online? Very often, people pretend to be someone else. MTV’s Catfish is popular for a reason. Me? I prefer “normal” dating, and the occasional date with myself.

To get back to what I was saying, my friend’s story piqued my curiosity, and I created an online dating profile.

The amount of questions I had to answer, things I had to write about myself… Though I wasn’t in it for real love, I really hoped I did find a match! All that trouble! Guess what happened? Within three minutes of completing my profile, I received a message that I’d found my 98% match! I clicked on his profile and my jaw dropped to the floor, just like in the cartoons. They guy looked like VIN DIESEL!

online dating
Vin Diesel – Image Source

I’m talking about Vin Diesel before Fast Three, and Vin Diesel before I saw him dance to Katy Perry’s White Horse on YouTube. So NOT sexy! Good to see him enjoy himeself, of course. But no, panties dried up when I saw that. Turns out the guy was from Brazil. My Brazilian Vin Diesel and I immediately started exchanging messages. We had to end the conversation, so we decided to “meet up” on Skype the next day.

The next day, before I turned on my camera, Brazilian Vin and I had already been chatting for an hour. Before I turned on my camera, I set a few ground rules:

  1. no asking me to stand up & twirl;
  2. asking me to touch my breast also off limits;
  3. showing my tongue, no-no, as well;
  4. no sex talk;
  5. any combination of any of the actions above, will also get you blocked.

He agreed to it, but in the end didn’t keep his word. I was intrigued when I saw that it REALLY was the guy from the pictures! The Brazilian Vin Diesel was REAL! It really fascinatd me that a guy like that was still single. He could a find a girl if he opened the window of his apartment. I mean… He was hot! Then there had to be something wrong with him.

“Are you crazy?,” I asked him.
He laughed, clearly amazed that I asked him this. “It depends on your definition of crazy.”
I frowned, crossed my arms in front of my chest and tilted my head. Something I do when I suspect someone is a bullshitter.
I said in one breath, “Why are you still single? Brazilian women don’t play. And if you’re as nice as you claim to be in your profile, you’d have to be in a seirous relationship by now. Are you looking for hookups online?”

I think I was talking too much and asking too many questions (which I was), so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

The conversation wasn’t very stimulating for him. I could see that from the look on his face. Guess what Brazilian Vin did? He showed me his penis! It was unexpected and I hated that he had broken a rule . On the other hand, I was happy I was right: he was looking hookups online. I turned off the camera, signed out of Skype, and deleted my account.

Maybe some people really are looking for love online, but I think the majority of them (especially the ones who really look like the hot person in the picture), are jut looking for hookups. If you’re thinking of starting a profile somewhere on some site, I suggest you watch a few Web Of Lies and Catfish episodes.

Love can found anywhere and everywhere, we  just have to open ourselves up to it! My boyfriend and I are living proof of this. We met when my car broke down in front of his bar.

 

XoXo!