My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, almost as long as I’ve been in China. We met about three months before I came here. When we met, none of us thought it would turn into the loving relationship it is now, but I guess God had other plans for us. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be one half in a long distance relationship.
Some people asked me, “If you love each other so much, why aren’t you there with him?” As selfish as it sounds, I think I’ll quote my girl Samantha Jones on this:
I do, I love ME more! There was a time in my life where I would do anything to please a man, but now, it’s all about ME. I’m the protagonist in my story, everything else has to wait in line. Others also asked, “Why isn’t he here with you?” Well, because it’s MY dream, not his. In no way will I allow him to follow me here. Unless it’s something he has wanted to do, as well. He shouldn’t be here just to be with me. That would make me feel guilty.
We started dating, which started GREAT! I was so smitten, that he and I turned into a two-headed-couple. It had been a long time since I had so much fun with a man. We laughed about everything and nothing. Phone calls between us lasted hours! We saw each other all day, but then he’d call me after he’d dropped me off at home. Now I have no idea anymore what we talked about, but there was always something to talk about. His first phone call when he woke up, was to me. We were so smitten with one another. Really like glue, like freaking Bison Kit glue.
You know, the first couple of months into the relationship, you’re still in the “Honeymoon Phase,” everything smells like roses, everything sounds like cute little birds chirping. That’s how our first months together were. I never wanted it to end… but it had to.
And then… the day of my departure. I was excited, for I was doing something I’d been writing about (in my journals) for YEARS! It also was on my TO DO list in past relationships, but for some reason, I never got around to doing it. Again, I affirmed it was my decision, and I wouldn’t change my mind. You ever put off your dreams for the sake of a relationship? I have, and I wasn’t about to do it again.
The year before I turned thirty, I took a long & hard look at my life. I asked myself:
Inner Me: “Baby, if you drop dead NOW, will you die happy?”
My answer: “HELL NO!”
Inner Me: “OKAY! So what are you gonna do about it?”
And that’s when I moved here, even though I had a man who loved me to the moon and back. It was something I had to do for me. I’ve seen a lot of movies, had long talks with women (Gran included), and they all expressed some kind of regret over something they didn’t do. Could be because they were in a relationship, because they had kids, or because they were afraid. Whatever their reason, they were unfulfilled in life. They had this regret (laced with a tiny bit of bitterness), kept talking about, “What if I had done (fill in the blank) …? What would my life be like now?” I didn’t want that.
No way did I want to wake up ten years from now, thinking, “What IF I took that step and went to China? What would’ve happened? Would I have loved it? I wonder if I would’ve made new friends. Would I be SO good in Chinese, that I could work as a Chinese Interpreter?”
Long distance relationships aren’t easy. I found that out the hard way.
Long distance relationships require more effort. Especially one like ours. There is an eleven-hour-time-difference. When it’s night here, it’s daylight there, and vice versa. I study a lot, he works, so we have to coordinate our schedules. The first year wasn’t easy. For me it was OK. I’m not a clingy person, I like my alone time. When I’m in a relationship, if we’ve made promises to one another, I keep those promises. I trust him, even with the many oceans between us. He’s never given me a reason to doubt him, so I don’t.
Would I recommend long distance relationships? NO! Not unless the two of you are mature and emotionally stable enough to handle it.
Who here has experience with long distance relationships? Were they successful?