Bad dating habits, we all have them, we all do it. When we’re on a quest for love, we do some of the craziest things. I had to learn the hard way that I didn’t love myself enough. At the age of twenty-five, I’d reached a point in my life where I had to sit down, take a serious look at myself. Not ashamed to say that, I’m also guilty of calling men “dogs” and “assholes” when the relationship didn’t turn out the way I had expected. But no one is to blame, except me.
I think it’s essential we all learn what our bad dating habits are. We need to quit them ASAP!
I bet you’re wondering how I came to that point of no return, where I knew I had to “examine” my bad dating habits. Well, I was twenty-five and getting out of my second failed attempt at a relationship in less than eighteen months. I knew something was terribly wrong. A couple of years ago, I also sang the “Men are shit” song, but it never occured to me to take a good look at myself? All of the guys I dated were from different backgrounds, different races, different social classes, but they all treated me the same. At first I thought I needed to visit a voodoo doctor to cleanse me of my “Asshole Magnet” aura. It was just getting too much for me to handle.
If you are reading this and you’re Surinamese, you know that our parents always taught us to “not air our dirty laundry in public.”
There was a point in my life I considered talking to a shrink. But since I wasn’t raised that way, I didn’t feel comfortable paying someone to sit on their couch, talking about my issues. That’s why God gave men the knowledge to create bars: we go there to get hammered and bitch about assholes we’re dating!
I always thought my life had to be exactly like my parents’. Meet one another at eighteen, fall in love, date for seven years, then tie the knot. I was twenty-five, stil unwed, I told myself, “No worries, you’re not thirty yet! There is still time!” Fast forward three years later, I am still single, wondering how and why I failed so miserably in life.
That’s when I realized something really HUGE: my sad dating life had more to do with me, then with the men I was dating.
After a lot of soul searching (still not done), I found out that there were three bad habits that made me choose the wrong guy for me, over and over. Here are the three bad dating habits I had to quit:
- dating to fill a void
I have felt out of place and lonely almost all of my life. Yes, as much as I love my own company now, there was a time I couldn’t stand being by myself. I always had a boyfriend, never took time for ME. That’s when I realized that, when you date because you are lonely, you will attract people who will make you feel even more alone. That’s even WORSE! You’re in a relationship, but youre miserable and lonely! I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. That’s when I knew I had to bond with myself, connect with ME!
- WhatsApp is the main form of communication
Messages can be misunderstood and it’s also not an investment of any kind. It is FREE! Nowadays men don’t really make the effort to call a woman. Why would he call me, when he send me an app FOR FREE? Playful flirting with a cute guy via WhatsApp is fine. But if he really wants me to consider him a viable candidate, he needs to pick up his phone and CALL ME!
Ladies, remember that the man needs to show you that he wants to be with you. Not being a cheapo is a good way to start.
- not knowing someone well enough before entering into a relationship
Like I said earlier, when we’re lonley (or whatever), we do things we normally wouldn’t do. I’ve made the mistakes ONE TOO MANY TIMES to step into a serious relationship with someone, without knowing them. Really knowing them. It’s important to be friends. There are times you will not like one another. During those times, a good friendship is important. I think friendship should always be the foundation of a good romantic relationship. If you find out you don’t like someone enough to consider them your friend, why would you date them? Better yet, why would you have sex with them or agree to a serious relationship?
After I started spending more time with myself, I started to make healthier choices when it came to relationships. Taking myself to the movies, getting massages, and going to dinner alone are things that really allowed me to connect with myself. Now when I choose to date someone, I know I’m not doing so out of desperation.